


august - made my heart come all undone

by woodchoc_magnum



Series: you can tell everybody this is your song [4]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Domestic Fluff, Established Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Fluff, M/M, Road Trips, Soft Eddie Diaz, Upset Evan "Buck" Buckley, Worried Eddie Diaz, carla price is a wise woman, family fun time at the beach, just a smidge of drama, meddlesome co-workers and friends, not too much though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:35:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25240252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woodchoc_magnum/pseuds/woodchoc_magnum
Summary: "Yes, I really want to be with Buck. I want Buck to come and live with us and marry me. What do you think about that?""That would be awesome." Christopher sounded amazed. "I'd love that."
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: you can tell everybody this is your song [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1816843
Comments: 83
Kudos: 690





	august - made my heart come all undone

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you as always to SevenSoulMates for her hand-holding!

****

* * *

**August**

"Where are we going?" Christopher asked Eddie excitedly.

"I'm not sure," Eddie replied, zipping up Christopher's backpack. "Buck said to bring a swimsuit, sunscreen and beach stuff, so I'm guessing the beach, but I don't know where."

It was a Friday, and by some miracle, Buck and Eddie had Friday, Saturday and Sunday off. Buck had suggested they go away for a couple of nights, but he hadn't said where, only that it was a surprise and it would involve camping. Upon hearing that they would be camping, Christopher was almost ecstatic, and he and Eddie had to run to the supermarket to pick up supplies so he could show off his camping skills (which mostly involved toasting marshmallows and making s'mores).

It was early, only 7am, and Buck pulled into the driveway right on time, leaping out of the car. He was wearing navy board shorts and a white t-shirt with a light blue button-up over the top, open and billowing as he strode up the path to the house. "Knock knock, Diazes," he called, pushing the door open. "Ready for adventure?"

"Buck!" Christopher was brimming with excitement, and when Buck bounded over to give him a hug, he let out a squeal. "Where are we going?!"

"It's a surprise!" Buck replied, swinging him around. "Are you guys ready to go? I've got breakfast in the car."

Eddie looked at the bags piled up on the couch and winced. "Maybe I packed too much. This bag is full of food."

"How long do you think we're going for?" Buck set Christopher down on the ground carefully, and then grabbed two of the bags. "Come on. We've got to get on the road; I've got a big day planned."

"Are we going north or south?" Eddie asked, checking to make sure he had his phone, keys and wallet.

"North," Buck replied. "Now, does anyone need to use the bathroom before we go? I'm going to be very strict about this, you guys. We're on a schedule."

"You should go again," Eddie said to Christopher, who groaned. "We'll pack the car; you go again and then we'll head out. Go on."

"Fine," Christopher grumbled, starting down the hall to the bathroom.

Eddie picked up the last two bags and followed Buck out to the car. "Tell me where we're going," he ordered. "End the suspense."

Buck grinned at him. "I booked a campsite at Big Sur," he said, opening the back of the Jeep to throw their bags in on top of his camping gear. "I want to take him to that beach I told you about; the one with the waterfall. Pfeiffer Beach. We can't swim there but there are tide pools and stuff for him to look in, and there are other beaches close by where we can go swimming tomorrow. And there's a hiking trail we can do as well."

"You want to take Chris hiking?"

"I'll carry him." Buck flashed him an impish smile. "It's not a problem."

"You'll regret that statement, you know."

"Nah. I want to carry him around as long as I possibly can. He's growing up too fast."

Eddie smiled fondly at him. "All right," he agreed, "as long as you've got it all planned out."

"I do. Come on, let's get going."

~

They left the city, heading north on the highway. Buck had thought of everything – he'd stopped off at his favourite deli to buy them some breakfast sandwiches, and Christopher made approving noises from the backseat as he worked his way through it. Eddie glanced back at him once, saw that his face was covered in sauce, and made Buck stop so he could clean him up.

They'd pulled over into a parking lot near a beach, and Buck leaned against the car to finish off his sandwich, while Eddie tended to his giggling son. A group of girls walked past Buck and did a double take, and the blondest of them jogged back to flirt with him.

Eddie discovered this when he straightened up and closed the back passenger door. A blonde in a barely-there pink bikini was gazing at Buck like he was some kind of Adonis, a dreamy smile on her face. Eddie was almost instantly jealous and ready to stake a claim, when he heard Buck say easily, "So there's no signage? You've just got to be looking for the turn?"

"Yeah, and make sure you've got Google Maps on," she replied. "Otherwise you'll miss it and there's nowhere to turn around."

"Awesome, thanks for the tip." Buck glanced over to where Eddie was standing and said, "Ah, here he is. That's my boyfriend, Eddie."

The blonde flashed him a smile. "You're cute too."

Eddie shook his head with an embarrassed grin, tying the plastic bag with their rubbish in it. "Ready to go?" he asked Buck, who nodded.

"Nice to meet you, Steph," he said. "Hope you catch some waves out there today."

She waved at him and jogged after her friends. Buck climbed back into the driver's seat, immediately turning to check on Christopher. "Ready to go, kiddo?"

"Yes!"

"All right, let's get moving. Time for some tunes, right Eds?"

Eddie buckled himself in, giving Buck an amused look. "Just making friends wherever we go, aren't you?"

"Well," Buck murmured, scrolling through the playlists on his iPhone, "I'm a friendly kind of guy. All right, I have curated us a playlist for this weekend. It features a _lot_ of Beach Boys, so I hope everyone is cool with this. Chris? You cool with that?"

"Cool," Christopher agreed, because he most definitely had no idea who the Beach Boys were.

Eddie said, "You and your music."

Buck flashed him a grin. "I love music. Especially the classics." He backed the car out, as the soothing harmonies of the Beach Boys filled the car.

_I may not always love you, but long as there are stars above you…_

Eddie listened to the song in silence – Buck hummed along, reaching out to touch his knee every so often. They were driving along the highway, the beach to their left, and he was just suddenly so goddamn fucking _happy_ – he had his kid in the back, he had the love of his life beside him and they were going on an adventure together, and Buck had taken care of everything.

As if reading his mind, Buck asked, "Are you happy, Eds? Is this okay?"

"It's great," he said, letting out a laugh. "It's really great, Buck."

"Good. There are some _bangers_ on this playlist though, you just wait. I went for a whole 60s/70s Southern California vibe – you are going to love it. Time for Christopher to get an education in music, I think."

"And you're going to teach him?"

"Everything I know." Buck had a grin on his face, his eyes trained on the road.

Eddie shifted in his seat, turning the volume down slightly so they could talk. "And how do you know so much about music?"

"I listened to a hell of a lot of it when I drove across the country. Figured out what I liked and what I don't like – country, yuck – discovered the music of bands I'd always heard about but never paid any attention to, the Beach Boys being one. Because it's almost like… it's a given now, the Beach Boys, they're this great American band and they have a couple of really catchy, fun songs, but then you get into the deep cuts and it's all beautiful harmonies and melodies, and like…" Buck trailed off, glancing at him. "Sorry."

"No, keep going," Eddie encouraged him. "I like listening to you talk about the things you're interested in."

"You do?"

"Yeah, of course. How else would I know all about the meteors, asteroids and comets? How else would I know anything about the Titanic or the eruption of Mt Vesuvius? I love when you get all caught up in something."

"Really?" Buck gave him a hopeful look.

Eddie laughed. "Yes. Play your music and talk to me about it. Why did you get into the Beach Boys?"

"When I moved out here," Buck replied. "It felt wrong to drive into California for the first time and not play the Beach Boys, you know? The first time I put my toes in the Pacific Ocean, I was listening to ' _California Girls_ ' on my headphones."

"So they're your favourite?"

"One of my favourites; I have a few. Music is important. My parents never thought it was. Maddie and I used to get in trouble if we were caught watching MTV or anything like that, so it wasn't until I left home that I started figuring out what I liked, which is practically _everything._ "

"Why am I not at all surprised by this?" Eddie asked, glancing in the backseat to find Christopher dozing. "Oh no, he's out already."

"We've got a few hours; best he naps now." Buck reached out to squeeze Eddie's shoulder. "Hey, thanks for coming along. I was hoping you'd say yes."

"Why wouldn't I say yes?"

"I don't know… I thought maybe you'd be worried about Christopher."

"I promised him adventures this summer," Eddie replied, "and what better adventure than camping with his best friend?"

Buck cast him a quick look. "I always wanted to do this with you guys."

"You've been here before?"

"Yeah, a couple of times, always on my own. Not to the beach, though, but… Big Sur, yeah. Sometimes if I have a weekend off I'll come up here."

"Why?"

"It's nice; I like it. Getting away from the city. It used to make me feel less alone." Buck's hands drummed on the steering wheel cheerfully.

"You never told me about that. Again, the things you haven't told me," Eddie teased him.

Buck laughed. "Well, I stopped after you got here. There was no reason to take off alone anymore."

Eddie was surprised. "You hung around on the weekends for me?"

"Yeah, always. You've got a bad habit of calling me last minute and inviting me to do stuff," Buck replied, "and there's no way on earth I'm going to miss out on spending time with my two favourite people."

"I don't call you last minute," he objected, ignoring Buck's chuckle. "I _don't._ "

"You do; you were always calling and texting me last minute, wanting me to come over; wanting me to do something with you guys. Inviting me to family stuff. Do you even realise you're doing it?"

He thought back on it, chewing on his lower lip. Maybe he did that? But Buck was almost always free… and Eddie liked having him around; ever since they first met, he wanted Buck around him as much as possible. Buck just made life easier, more fun – he was so great with Christopher, and Eddie's family loved him (especially his Abuela). He was a good cook and he liked to do it – loved to be invited over to cook them dinner, and bring ingredients and talk Christopher through what he was doing in the kitchen while Eddie watched and adored him from afar.

Buck had actively made his life better and easier since the first day they'd met. Eddie wanted him around always; wanted to be the one to go on adventures with him and to make his life better, too.

With that in mind, and with another cautious glance back at Christopher, he asked, "You liked it, though? I wasn't… asking too much?"

Buck shook his head. "No way. I love it."

"Good," Eddie said with relief. "Because we love it too."

They exchanged a quick grin as the music changed, and Buck turned it up slightly, holding his hand up. "Listen to this one, Eddie. Listen to how _beautiful_ it is."

_Little surfer, little one  
_ _Made my heart come all undone  
_ _Do you love me, do you surfer girl  
_ _Surfer girl, my little surfer girl_

Eddie's eyes were on Buck, a lump in his throat.

_I have watched you on the shore  
_ _Standing by the ocean's roar  
_ _Do you love me, do you surfer girl  
_ _Surfer girl, surfer girl_

"I know it has no relevance to us whatsoever," Buck said quietly, "but this song always made me think of you."

He chuckled. "Am I your surfer girl, Buck?"

"No, not literally – but the longing in the lyrics, that's how I felt about you." Buck reached out to squeeze his hand.

_So I say from me to you  
_ _I will make your dreams come true  
_ _Do you love me, do you surfer girl  
_ _Surfer girl, my little surfer girl_

"Well," Eddie said quietly. "I do love you."

Buck beamed. "I love you too."

~~

They arrived in Big Sur at lunchtime – Christopher was awake and looking for food, but Buck said, "I've got sandwiches packed for us. The turn-off is just up here; we'll be eating in ten minutes, bud. I promise."

Christopher clapped his hands together. "Where are we?"

"We're in Big Sur," Buck replied, "and I'm taking you to a very special, magic beach, okay? If we're lucky, the waterfall will be running. They've had some rain so it should be."

"A waterfall?" Christopher sounded amazed. "I can't wait."

"We're nearly there," Buck promised, letting the Google Maps lady guide him to the turn-off to the beach. There was a long, narrow drive to a small parking lot, which was mostly empty. Buck stopped the car and jumped out to stretch his legs, listening to the roar of the ocean from beyond the hill.

He grabbed the cooler bag and beach bag from the back of his Jeep, and once Eddie had what he needed, Buck took the bags from him and said, "Can you carry him down the path? It's not very far."

"Sure," Eddie said, kneeling down so Christopher could climb onto his back. "All right buddy, let's follow Buck to the magic beach."

He was a little concerned the beach would disappoint – he had never been there himself before, but had always meant to – and the path to the sand was a little steeper than he had expected, but once they were out on the beach, with dramatic rocks on either side and surrounded by lush vegetation, those worries faded. The water was sparkling and blue, waves lapping against the sandy shore, and when he turned around to take it all in, the waterfall he'd been hoping to see had a steady flow.

Christopher summed it up. " _Wow._ "

Eddie laughed, lowering him to the sand. "How about I take your crutches," he said, "and I'll hold your hand while Buck finds us a good spot to sit."

"Over here," Buck said, finding a shady patch near the trees. "Got to put some sunscreen on before we let you loose out here, Chris!" He opened his bag and laid out a picnic blanket. Eddie put Christopher's crutches down on the edge to anchor it, and helped him sit down. He kicked his shoes off and sat down beside him, watching as Buck opened his cooler to retrieve their food.

"More sandwiches," Eddie said with a laugh. "Did your guy at the deli organise this for you?"

"Yeah, he did. I'll have to introduce you to Milo one day." Buck handed Eddie a special egg salad sandwich, with 'Christopher' scrawled on it in black letters. Eddie chuckled, unwrapping it deftly and handing it to Christopher, who took a big bite, his eyes still roaming the landscape around them.

Buck handed Eddie his own roll – hot and spicy, just the way Eddie liked it – and sat cross-legged in front of them, digging out some sodas from the bottom of the case.

Eddie was gazing at him with unabashed adoration, and Buck couldn't help but blush, ducking his head. "What?"

"You've thought of everything."

"Well, I wanted to make it good for you guys." Buck passed him a bottle, which Eddie uncapped and handed to Christopher. "So I'm thinking we have some lunch, then we put some lotion on and go exploring, what do you think?"

"Yes!" Christopher agreed. "Can we go swimming?"

"We can't go swimming here, but we can put your feet in the water, and Buck says there are tide pools. So hopefully we'll see some sea creatures," Eddie replied, biting into his sandwich and letting out a satisfied moan. "Jeez Buck, I can't wait to meet the guy who makes these."

"They're good, right?"

~

The afternoon was spent exploring the beach and all it had to offer – the tide pools with small crabs, starfish and other creatures trapped inside were Christopher's favourite, and they spent a long time at the water's edge, listing out all of the animals they saw. Buck climbed the rocks above the waterfall while Eddie shouted at him from the beach, and he balanced carefully to take photos of them on the sand below.

They sat in the shallow water and splashed each other, and then Christopher decided that it was time to make a sandcastle, so that was that they did, until the tide came in and began to wash it away.

As the sun set, Buck filled his phone with pictures of the changing light, until Eddie had to practically drag him away so they could head back out the narrow road before it was too dark to see.

They had another half an hour in the car before turning into their campsite. Buck was glad he'd booked ahead, as there were a lot of people around – and Eddie was relieved that he'd booked something with toilets and showers. They found their spot and set up the tent, and while Eddie and Christopher wandered off to the showers together, Buck set about organising their dinner.

He made friends with a couple of travellers from Australia, and was chatting with them animatedly when Eddie returned, Christopher on his back.

"This is Eddie and his son, Christopher," Buck said. "Eds, meet Dan and Mel – they're from Australia."

"Nice to meet you," Eddie said to them, shaking his head good-naturedly at Buck. "Making friends again?"

"Yeah, always."

"Nice to meet you guys," Mel said. "Hey, Buck, do you want a genuine Aussie treat for dessert?"

"Sure," he agreed. "What is it?"

"We like to hand things out to you Americans," Dan said with a laugh, his hands resting on his hips. "So you can see what you're missing out on." Mel went over to their campsite and rummaged through one of their bags.

"I always wanted to go to Australia," Buck said. "One day, definitely."

"Are you guys from the West Coast?" Dan asked him curiously.

"Eddie's from Texas," Buck replied, "and I'm from Pennsylvania originally. We're both firefighters in LA."

"What do you guys do?" Eddie asked, taking a seat beside Christopher around the fire. Buck had been in the middle of making it when he'd started chatting to their neighbours, and Eddie took over, arranging wood in the metal container.

"We're on a gap year," Dan replied. "We both finished uni last year. I'm eventually going to be a doctor, and Mel is going to be a teacher, but we decided to take a year off to drive across America."

"And you're still in California?" Buck asked.

Dan laughed. "No, we've actually already been across once, the top way, and now we're heading back across the southern way."

"We couldn't decide which way to go, so we picked both," Mel added as she joined them, passing Buck a small packet of biscuits. "Here you go, mate. Genuine Aussie Tim Tams."

"Tim Tams," he said, turning the packet over in his hands. "Chocolate cookies?"

"Biscuits," Mel corrected with a laugh. "You drink coffee? Have them with your coffee tomorrow morning. Dip them in and they'll go all melty. Delicious."

Buck held the packet up to Eddie, who nodded appreciatively. "Thanks," he said, kneeling by the fire. "Buck, are you cooking dinner over this thing or do you have another plan?"

"Yeah, I've got stuff to cook. I'm the chef," he said to them, "so I better get started."

"Hopefully we'll see you guys tomorrow," Dan replied.

"Yeah, definitely," Buck said easily, giving them a wave as they headed off. "Have a good night."

Eddie was still chuckling when he returned to them, passing over the pack of biscuits. "You cannot help yourself," he said in amusement. "The friendliest guy I know. Who started talking to who?"

"They came up to me. I'm very approachable." Buck ruffled Christopher's hair and knelt beside him. "Have a good day so far, buddy?"

"It's been awesome," Christopher replied. "I can't wait for tomorrow."

"Me either. Let's have some dinner."

Dinner was rough and ready – Buck made a quick and easy mac and cheese, and they ate that with some of the fresh bread he'd bought that morning. Afterwards Christopher showed off his marshmallow toasting skills – Buck had to admit that he had a knack for it – and then they sprawled around and watched the fire for a while. Christopher nodded off to sleep, his head on Eddie's shoulder.

Eddie said to Buck, "You're going to be a great dad, you know."

Buck, lying on his side across from them, shrugged at him. "I don't know."

"No, you're great at this. You don't even think about it. You don't see things the way I do, like… that things are going to be difficult," he said quietly, brushing his fingers through Christopher's hair. "You just decide what you want to do and how you're going to do it, and then it works. And like, you put this all together in the space of what, a day? If I tried to plan this I'd need weeks."

"Maybe I have been planning for weeks," Buck admitted. "Maybe us getting the weekend off wasn't a surprise coincidence."

Eddie raised his eyebrows. "How the hell—"

"I asked Bobby and he arranged it." Buck shrugged at him. "I just… felt like we needed a break."

"He knows?" Eddie whispered, his eyes wide. "Buck—"

"No, no. He has no idea."

Bobby hadn't even thought it was a strange request; that was the weird thing. Buck had mentioned to him that he wanted to go up to Big Sur with Eddie and Christopher and that he was hoping the stars would align so he and Eddie had a weekend off together, and Bobby had merely worked out the schedule for him. It did mean that he didn't really have a weekend off for the next month, but that was okay. It was worth it.

Eddie was still staring at him, so Buck said, "I just thought you might need a break. You picked up some extra shifts, and I thought… maybe it'd be good to get away for a couple of days."

A slow smile spread across Eddie's face. "Yeah," he agreed, sounding a little emotional. "Thanks. Yeah, I really did need this."

"You know I've got your back," Buck said, flashing him an impish smile.

"Yeah, you do." Eddie cleared his throat, and then checked his watch. "We better turn in, and you need to have a shower. I'll sort everything out here while you go clean up."

Buck stood, grabbing his backpack out of the back of the Jeep. He paused to give Eddie a quick kiss before heading over to the showers to wash up.

When he returned, the fire was out and the lamp inside the tent was on. Buck put his stuff inside the car and locked it, and then crawled into the tent with them. Christopher was fast asleep, tucked in his sleeping bag on the far side. Eddie was in the middle, and he'd done something wonderful – put both his and Buck's sleeping bags together so it was one giant bag.

"This okay?" Eddie asked, holding it up so Buck could crawl in.

"Smart thinking," Buck whispered, lying down so he was spooning Eddie from behind. Eddie snuggled into his embrace, pulling Buck's arms around him.

"Not just a pretty face," Eddie murmured.

Buck kissed the back of his neck. "Not at all."

"Love you, Buck."

"Love you too, Eds."

~

The next day brought more adventures for Christopher, as they picked out a hiking trail and explored the national park. Christopher was able to walk some of the way, but the rest of the time he rode on either Buck or Eddie's back. Buck pretended that he was training for some kind of marathon any time they had to climb some stairs, and when they finally made it back to the camp, Eddie gave him a look that said they'd maybe overdone it a bit.

So they packed up their beach stuff and jumped in the Jeep, searching for somewhere to grab some lunch. They finally found a burger joint on the side of the road and pulled in. Buck hadn't realised how hungry he was until they lined up to order, and somehow they ended up with a veritable feast of burgers, some chicken, fries and even onion rings. They sat at a table overlooking the ocean and pigged out. He took photos of Christopher with ketchup smeared all over his face, and one of Eddie wrapping his mouth around a burger.

After lunch they stopped for ice cream and then found a beach, where they sprawled out on the sand for about an hour (to let the food settle) before heading into the water for a swim. Buck found that despite having been through a tsunami he didn't find the ocean particularly frightening, though he was conscious as to how Christopher was coping – and sure enough Christopher was handling it like a pro, swimming out with them where it was a bit deeper and screaming with laughter as they tossed him back and forth easily.

That night they took a drive to one of the lookouts, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Milky Way smeared across the night sky. They found a spot and parked, staring up at the stars from the hood of Buck's car. Buck hoped to see a comet; wanted to see something flash over their heads, but it was Christopher who pointed out a slow moving light in the night sky.

"What's that?" he asked in a hushed voice.

Buck and Eddie stared at it. Buck murmured, "I have no idea, maybe a satellite?" and then fished his phone out of his pocket to try and figure it out. He found a star gazing app and pointed it at the sky, and let out a surprised laugh. "That's the International Space Station."

"What, really?" Eddie asked, peering up at the light as it passed across the sky.

"Yep. One hundred percent. It's moving across Southern California right now." Buck pointed to it and said to Christopher, "There are astronauts in there, right now. Right above us."

"Wow," Christopher whispered. "That's so cool."

"It is really cool," Eddie agreed, his eyes trained on the sky. "We should buy some astronomy books."

Buck made a mental note to do that and learn everything he possibly could about it.

"Dad, how come you didn't want to be an astronaut?" Christopher asked curiously.

"You need to be really smart," Eddie replied, "and I'm not that smart."

Buck scoffed. "You are too."

"Am not. You need to be good at maths and science, and they were my worst subjects." Eddie raised his eyebrows at him. "How come _you_ didn't want to be an astronaut?"

"That's a very simple answer. I'm too tall."

Christopher laughed. "Maybe I could be an astronaut?"

Buck glanced over at Eddie, who said, "You're definitely smart enough to work at NASA, kiddo. For sure."

"Awesome."

~

Sunday meant they had to drive home, but while Christopher was distracted saying goodbye to their Australian friends, Eddie pulled Buck behind the Jeep and kissed him repeatedly, whispering, "Thank you," against his lips as they parted.

The drive home was long, but the music was good, and Eddie skipped through songs on Buck's playlist, quizzing him about them – why this song? Why this band? Why do you like this? How did you come across this?

Buck was more than happy to answer his questions.

They stopped for ice cream on the way, and Buck took a selfie of the three of them with the ocean in the background, the picture that would later become his phone background. He posted it to his Instagram and almost instantly Maddie commented with, ' _You guys are so cute!_ ' – she had her notifications turned on for his photos, he was sure.

They arrived at Eddie's house in the late afternoon and unpacked the car. He helped Eddie carry the bags inside the house and then made a move as if to leave, but Eddie grabbed him by the hand and said insistently, " _Stay._ "

So he did.

**~*~*~**

_**Christopher** _

It was early in the morning when Christopher awoke, well before his alarm. Usually he and Dad got up at the same time and did their morning routine together, but today Christopher was awake with the birds. He was still feeling so happy about their weekend away, and the shells he'd picked up from the beach were arranged neatly on his bedside table where he could see them.

He really had to pee, so he got himself out of bed and into the bathroom, washing his hands thoroughly afterwards, like his Dad had taught him.

And then he wandered out to the living room to see if Buck was still there on the couch, but the blanket and pillow were folded up, and Buck was missing. His Jeep was still out the front. Christopher rubbed his eyes in confusion. He'd wanted to curl up next to Buck and sleep for a little while longer. Buck was a good hugger.

Maybe he would just have to go and get into Dad's bed, and so he went down the hall again, and opened the door to Dad's room. There was Dad, on his side, sleeping soundly, and there was Buck beside him on the other side, one arm thrown over Dad's body, just like they were still in the tent at Big Sur. Buck usually slept on the couch when they were at home, so Christopher was a bit unsure, and said, "Dad?"

Dad snapped awake almost instantly, sitting up in bed. "Christopher?"

Buck was still asleep, snoring lightly.

"What are you doing?" Christopher asked him.

Dad threw the covers off and knelt in front of him. "We're um, we're—"

"Having a sleepover without me?"

Dad glanced at Buck, and then said, "Yeah, yeah, um… Buck fell asleep in my bed and I just let him stay there. Is that okay?"

"Yes?" he asked quizzically. Why wouldn't it be okay? They'd just spent the whole weekend sharing a tent, and Christopher had seen them holding hands a couple of times.

"Eddie," Buck murmured, patting the empty space beside him. "Eds?"

"Chris wants to get in with us," Dad said quickly. "Buck. You awake?"

Buck rolled onto his back, smiling sleepily at him. "Yeah. Hey, Chris."

Christopher pushed past Dad and climbed onto the bed, crawling over to hug Buck. Buck hugged him back, but one hand was stretched out, and then the bed was moving again and Dad had his arms around both of them.

This was nice. Christopher felt safe and secure in the arms of his two favourite people, and he rested his head on Buck's shoulder, already drifting off to sleep.

And then he heard Buck say to Dad, "I love you," and Dad whisper back, "I love you too," and he said, just so they both knew how he felt, "I love you too."

Buck's laughter was like warm sunshine.

**~*~*~**

It was a hot Sunday night in Los Angeles. The heat was stifling; the breeze was non-existent and for some ungodly reason Buck had been roped into attending a dinner party at Bobby and Athena's house. Athena, who famously did not like using her central air, was throwing a dinner party. On the hottest day of the year. That he had to dress up for.

Eddie wasn't able to attend – he had a family birthday party (that Buck was supposed to be attending with him) – and so they parted at his house with lingering kisses in Eddie's bedroom. It would be the first night apart they'd spend in a few weeks. Buck was going to head back to his place after the party, expecting it to go late, and then meet Eddie and Christopher for breakfast the next morning.

When he arrived at the Nash-Grant residence, the party was already in full swing. Buck parked beside Chimney's car and went inside, a bottle of wine cradled in his arms. Athena met him at the top of the stairs, cupping his face and greeting him with a kiss to each cheek.

"Buckaroo," she said affectionately. "How are you? I feel like I'm out of the loop and haven't seen you in weeks."

"I've been busy," he replied, handing her the bottle of wine. "I brought this for you. I hope it's okay."

She examined it with a smile. "Oh yes, that'll do nicely." Athena cast a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure they were alone and murmured, "And how's your man?"

Eddie had told him that Athena knew about them, so he was honest when he said, "He's great. We're great. It's still a secret."

"I know, but they all know you're dating a guy and they're confused as to why you won't talk about it." She slipped an arm around his waist. "He's the hold up?"

Buck nodded. "I can't force him."

"No, you can't. Hopefully he feels safe enough to tell everyone soon, but until then, your secret is safe with me. Come on."

They went downstairs to the party, and Buck was immediately enveloped in a hug from Maddie, whose belly was now really beginning to show. "Wow," he said, holding her at arms' length so he could examine it. "This is crazy. Look how big you're getting."

"The baby is in perfect health," Chimney said, slinging an arm around Buck's shoulders. "Perfect. Couldn't be better. Are you excited to be an uncle, Buckaroo? I think your uncle nickname should be Uncle Buckaroo."

He laughed. "Whatever you guys want. And yeah, I'm pumped. I'm going to spoil your kid rotten, I hope that's cool."

"I suppose you've had a lot of practice with Christopher," Maddie replied. "Does he call you Uncle Buck?"

"No, I'm not his uncle. I'm his best friend. There's a big difference."

"And what difference is that?" Chimney asked.

Buck grinned at them. "Literally no responsibilities, just fun. Eddie's the boss, and I get to drive him nuts. It's great."

"Poor Eddie," Maddie said sympathetically. "He looked a bit shell-shocked after dinner a few weeks ago. Was he all right?"

Oh, he was more than all right. Buck had hardly been able to walk the next day.

"Yeah, he was saying that they make his parents look almost normal," Buck replied, turning when he heard Bobby call his name. He broke away from them apologetically and found Bobby in the kitchen, food laid out on the counter.

"Do me a favour?" Bobby asked him. "Would you dish out the vegetables into this serving tray while I carve the roast?"

"Sure." Buck went to wash his hands, and took his place at Bobby's side, arranging vegetables in an aesthetically pleasing way.

"How are things?"

"Things are good." Buck flashed him a grin. "No complaints."

"That's good to hear." Bobby sharpened a butcher knife, and then began to carve the roast meat in even slices. "I was concerned after your parents visited, but I hear from Chim that you stood up for yourself. I'm proud of you, Buck."

"It was an interesting few days but they're back in PA, and I won't have to see them again for a while. Until Maddie has the baby, probably. If that. They're not too interested." Buck put the empty baking tray in the sink, wiping his hands on a towel. "Anything else I can help with?"

"We're just about ready. Get yourself a beer, Buck. There's some in the fridge."

So he did, uncapping it with his hand and tossing the bottle cap in the trash, about to wander back out to the party when Bobby said his name again. "Yeah?"

Bobby gave him a tentative, nervous smile. "Are we ever going to meet your boyfriend?" he asked hesitantly. "We were kind of hoping you'd want to bring him tonight."

"And throw him in the fire?"

"Michael brought his new partner."

"That's Michael." Buck shrugged at him. "It's different."

"Why is it different? You think we wouldn't be supportive?"

Buck hesitated. They would be supportive, that was the thing – _Eddie_ was the problem. He was steadfastly against coming out, but he'd never really explained why.

And sometimes Buck wanted to scream it from the goddamn rooftop - _Eddie Diaz is my boyfriend, we're together, he's told me he loves me on numerous occasions unprompted and I'm having the greatest sex of my life and I'm going to marry him one day, life is fucking WONDERFUL -_ but he couldn't. He had to swallow it all down and worship Eddie in the privacy of their homes, without anyone knowing how fucking _happy_ he was.

So he decided to tell a lie, something he'd been thinking about for a while, hoping it would appease them slightly. "He's a firefighter," he finally said. "He doesn't want people to know."

"Not with us, obviously?"

"No, but I can't say where."

"How'd you meet?"

"At the bar, last year sometime. Got to trading war stories."

"And Eddie knows him?"

Buck nodded. "Yeah, Eddie was there when we met."

Bobby gave him a long look, and finally acquiesced with a nod. "All right. As long as it's not you that's struggling with it, Buck. I'd hate for you to be going through something and think that we wouldn't understand or want to help you."

"No, I'm all good," he said firmly. "Everything's great."

~

Everything wasn't great, because halfway through dinner he found himself the subject of conversation again.

"So Buck," Michael said pleasantly. "When do we get to meet this mystery man of yours?"

Everyone looked at him expectantly. He took a moment to respond, his eyes flicking around the group, before settling on his plate. "Uh, it's… complicated. Not any time soon."

"What's the big secret?" Chimney pressed.

"Yeah, Buck," Hen added. "You're not worried that we wouldn't like him, are you?"

"Maybe it's not Buck," Karen cut in, trying to save him. "Maybe his boyfriend has his reasons for keeping it quiet. Maybe we should all just lay off and talk about something else."

"But I just find it interesting," Michael mused, "because I never would've guessed you'd be into guys, Buck."

"Oh well now this is something we don't need to get into," Athena said abruptly, slapping Michael in the shoulder. When he gave her a wounded look she added, "Not everyone finds it easy to come out."

"And you think I did?"

"No, but Buckaroo had his reasons and I don't think we need to dissect them at the dinner table, do you?" she asked pointedly.

Michael sighed. "I'm just asking the question. I've known you a couple of years, Buck, and you've only ever dated women."

"Maybe the right man just hadn't come along," Maddie said, casting a worried look at Buck. "But yeah, it has taken me by surprise as well."

Everyone was focused on him again. He looked around, wishing that Eddie were with him for support, and then said, "Look, I'm bisexual. I never felt the need to advertise it. I thought you guys would've figured it out… I've marched in Pride every year since I've been here, like…"

"I thought you were just an ally," Hen said gently.

"I made out with a guy at Pride two years ago," he said quizzically. "You were there?"

"Oh, Buckaroo, I was _drunk_. You could've made out with a mermaid and I wouldn't have noticed."

They all laughed, and the tension lifted somewhat, but Buck was still uneasy. Maddie said delicately, "I guess everyone's wondering why you didn't have a big coming out parade."

He shrugged. "I've always been out. You just never asked the question. And I haven't dated a guy since I've been at the 118 – well, until now. And he's not out, so… that's why I can't introduce you to him. It's not a big deal – I'm not hiding him away because I'm worried about how you guys will react. I know you'll be fine with it and you'll like him. It's just… complicated. And I like him, so I'm inclined to go along with what he wants. You know?"

"Yeah, that makes sense," Hen said, smiling at him warmly. "As long as he's treating you right."

Chimney gestured to him from across the table, and joked, "Yeah, we all saw the bruises, Buck. Maybe settle down, all right?"

His face flaming, Buck shifted uncomfortably. "Jesus Christ, Chim, what I do in my bedroom is none of your business."

"It's a joke—"

"Doesn't feel like a joke." Buck swigged his beer, trying to control his agitation. "You made a big deal over nothing, and it's pretty embarrassing, all right?"

Chimney held his hands out, trying to appease him. "It was just a _joke_ —"

"It's not a joke when _Eddie_ comes to me and tells me that you all think I'm being abused. Like, do I really want to have that conversation with my best friend?"

"We didn't think you were being abused," Chimney replied sharply. "It just looked weird, because you've been on your own for so long."

"It was me; I was worried," Maddie confessed. "I don't like the idea of anyone hurting you."

He could understand that, of course, but it was still humiliating. He was furious, and unable to look at any of them, and when Bobby touched his shoulder, he pulled away. "I'm a grown man. It was _consensual_ ," he snapped. "Stop treating me like I'm a kid who doesn't know what he's doing."

"Buck—"

"Okay, okay," Athena said sharply, clapping her hands. "Everyone cut it out. Buck's in a happy relationship and he's having a lot of great sex and he doesn't want to talk about it, so let's move on. No more discussion."

Buck wanted to leave, but he forced himself to stay – it would be rude to walk out. Everyone was quiet until Michael finally said, "Buck, I'm sorry. This is my fault – I brought it up. I'm sorry."

"Everyone is sorry," Karen added, casting a look at the group. "You're very important to us. You know that."

He nodded, swallowing hard. "Thanks."

"Well, I feel like a jerk," Chimney muttered. "Sorry, Buck. I hope Eddie wasn't a dick to you about it."

"Not more than he usually is," Buck joked, and the tension lifted as they all chuckled.

Bobby swiftly changed the subject, but Buck sat out for most of the conversation, his eyes trained on his food. What the fuck was he going to do? How were they going to react when it was revealed that Eddie was his boyfriend, and that they'd been together for months? Would they feel betrayed that they'd kept the secret for so long, or would they understand and be happy for them? Would they think he was even good enough for Eddie and Christopher?

He had to get some air, so between the main course and dessert he went outside, wishing there was some kind of a breeze. Any kind of breeze. He would like the air to flow just a little bit.

Karen found him leaning against the railing, eyes trained on the ground. She took the empty spot next to him, nudging him with her elbow. "You okay?"

"If you've come out here to say that they all mean well, I'm going to walk away." He tried to make it sound like a joke, but he just didn't have it in him to pretend anymore.

"No, I'm not." Karen was silent for a second. "How's Eddie?"

"He's fine."

"And Christopher?"

He chuckled. "Also fine."

"And you, Buck? With the little family you've made?"

_Shit._ Tears burned in his eyes. "I'm actually really, really great," he admitted to her, "and it's killing me that I can't say anything to anyone."

"You can tell me," she said with a grin. "Why don't you tell me? You could text me, Buck. I wouldn't mind."

"You'll tell Hen."

"I haven't said one word to Hen about this. She has literally no idea." Karen craned her neck, peering through the glass doors and into the house. "She'll be happy, because she predicted you were seeing another firefighter and that was the reason for all the secrecy. She has no idea it's Eddie. None. And really, Buck, you're not being that discreet. Eddie and Christopher are all over your Instagram all the time."

"Yeah, but they were before," he pointed out. "So that's why no one suspects."

"I bet you're holding back, though."

"I have to."

Karen nudged him again. "Buck, I know we're not the best of friends, but you know I think you're the world's biggest sweetheart and I'd do anything for you, so if you want to talk to me about this, you can."

"Aren't you very busy and important?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "Wouldn't I be bothering you?"

"Not at all." She patted his arm. "Hey, he'll get there. And then you can sing and dance about it, but for now, be grateful for the little things. You're in love, and he loves you too. You're lucky."

"Yeah," he murmured. "I am."

~

He was still feeling low, and was one of the first to leave, ignoring their complaints for him to stay. Maddie and Chimney both kept casting guilty looks his way and Michael took him aside to apologise again. They were all sorry – they'd overstepped, and they knew it, but he just needed to get some space and clear his head.

He found himself driving around aimlessly, music blaring, slowly becoming more and more worked up. Doubts were creeping into his mind about everything - what was the reason Eddie didn't want to come out? Was he ashamed about being gay, or was he ashamed of being with Buck? Was he simply scared about what his parents would say? Why hadn't they ever talked about it properly? He'd just accepted that Eddie wanted to hide without really questioning it, but now all of those questions were right on the tip of his tongue.

Agitated, he called Eddie. When he answered, his voice was almost drowned out by loud music in the background, but he shouted into the phone, "Hang on, Buck! I'm going outside!"

Buck waited, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, stopped at a red light.

The music in the background vanished, and Eddie's voice came in clear. "Baby," he said breathlessly. "Are you finished? Heading home?"

"Yeah. Listen, Eds – why aren't we telling people exactly? What's the reason?"

"What? What happened?"

"Nothing happened, I just need to know why I can't tell people that we're dating," he said flatly. "Because I'm really fucking sick of having to lie about it and being questioned all the damn time. Why can't I just tell them?"

"Where are you?" Eddie asked instead, ignoring the question.

"No, answer me. Are you ashamed of me? Of us?"

"No, of course not!"

"Then why can't I tell our friends that we're together?"

Eddie groaned. "Are we really doing this now?"

"Why can't you just answer me?" The light changed to green, and Buck stepped on the accelerator again. "I love you, but I'm under constant scrutiny and you're not. You just get to continue being Eddie Diaz, single father of the year, and nobody expects anything from you, but I've had to invent this fucking boyfriend and I'm sick of it!"

"Buck—"

"And you won't even tell _Christopher_ ," he hissed, on the verge of tears. "We've been together for over three months and he still doesn't know."

"Because he won't be able to keep his mouth shut!" Eddie shot back. "Buck, are we really having a fight? Where are you?"

"I'm going home, and I'm not coming around until you decide it's okay for your son to know that we're together," he snapped.

"Buck!"

"You've gotten to dictate everything, Eddie, and I've let you, but I need some consideration as well. It can't just always be about you." Tears were dripping down his face. "I've got to go. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Buck!" Eddie practically shouted into the phone, but Buck ended the call, wiping his face with his forearm.

~~

Eddie immediately tried to call him back, but Buck had switched to voicemail. Stunned, he stood on the lawn, staring at his phone screen, wondering if he should call someone – but _who_ , because nobody fucking knew – before pocketing his phone and heading back inside to locate Christopher.

Ten minutes later he was out the door, Christopher slung over one shoulder, giggling uncontrollably. He ignored everyone asking him to stay and loaded Christopher into the car, before jumping in and heading for Buck's apartment.

Buck was right – he had been dictating how things would go, and while that was fine at the start, now that they'd been together for a few months things needed to change. He still wasn't ready to tell their friends, but he could tell Christopher, who more than anyone else needed to know that things in his life were going to change. Christopher was priority number one, always.

"Hey Chris," he said as they drove through the darkened city streets. "You love Buck, right?"

"Are we going to see Buck?"

"Yeah, we are." Eddie cleared his throat, his heart pounding in his chest. "Chris, listen to me for a sec, okay? You know I loved your mom, and I never want to replace her. You understand that, right?"

"Yes?"

"But your mom isn't coming back, and..." he trailed off, trying to think of the right words to say what he needed to say.

"You want to be with Buck?" Christopher piped up hopefully.

Well, his kid was more perceptive than he thought. "Yes," he said, glancing in the rear-view mirror. "Yes, I really want to be with Buck. I want Buck to come and live with us and marry me. What do you think about that?"

"That would be awesome." Christopher sounded amazed. "I'd love that."

Eddie let out a breath, nodding vigorously. "So we're going to go to Buck's now and make sure he's with us," he said. "Because I love him so much, Chris."

"I love him too," Christopher said with satisfaction. "Dad, is this why you and Buck kiss now, sometimes? Is this why he sleeps over in your bed?"

Eddie cringed. "You saw us kissing?"

"Yeah, on the couch one night. I was really hoping you would tell me that Buck was going to stay permanently."

Eddie glanced in the rear-view mirror again – Christopher was smiling brightly at him, and he relaxed. "He is going to stay permanently," he replied. _I just have to fix whatever the fuck I've done wrong._

~

Buck's apartment was dark when they arrived, but his car was in the parking lot, so Eddie knew he was home, at least. He let himself into the building with his key and helped Christopher down the hall, and unlocked the door to Buck's apartment, which was silent and dark. Eddie kicked off his shoes downstairs and took Christopher's off as well, laying his crutches on the kitchen bench before carrying him up to the bedroom.

Buck was sprawled out on his bed, facedown, asleep. His phone was on the bedside table, and there was a pile of clothes in the corner of the room. Buck was wearing one of Eddie's t-shirts – he'd claimed it when he first started sleeping over, an old stretched-out cotton tee from a pizza place in El Paso that one of Eddie's high school friends owned. Eddie hadn't been to Buck's in a couple of weeks, but there was a new photo stuck to the bookcase of the three of them together.

Eddie gave Christopher a hug and then set him down on the bed beside Buck, leaning over to shake him awake. Buck opened his eyes and then propped himself up, blinking at them with surprise. "Chris?"

"You sad, Buck?" Christopher asked worriedly, crawling in close to him. "You want a hug?"

"Yes, please," Buck replied, turning so he was on his side. Christopher cuddled up to him and hugged him tightly. Buck met Eddie's eyes over his shoulders, mouth set in a grim line.

He was still mad. Eddie let them hug while he went into the bathroom to change into some of Buck's sweats, and then returned to the bed. He slid under the covers on the other side of Buck, spooning up behind him. Buck was stiff at first, but when Eddie hooked an arm around his stomach and pressed his face against the back of his neck, he relaxed.

It didn't take long for Christopher to fall asleep, his breathing evening out. Buck said in a low voice, "Using your kid against me."

"No."

"Then?"

"I told him tonight, after we talked." Eddie locked his arm around Buck's chest, holding him in place. "I'm not ashamed of being with you," he said in his ear. "This is not about you."

"Then what?"

"My parents have tried twice to get me to give Christopher to them," he whispered. "If they know that… I'm with you, they could try again. They could make our lives miserable. I just don't want to deal with them yet."

"You never told me that." Buck wrapped his arms around Christopher protectively.

"I didn't know how to tell you…" Eddie pressed his face against Buck's shoulder. "This isn't about you, baby. It's never about you. I love you. I'm just scared."

"But if we tell our friends—"

"Bobby could split us up."

Buck turned his head, his brow furrowing. "For real?"

"Yeah." Eddie swallowed hard. "I figured it was better if they didn't know. Then we get to stay together."

"Well, you could've told me that."

He let out a breathy laugh. "I thought you understood that was why."

"I thought you were scared about what they'd say. That they'd make fun of us."

Eddie shook his head. "No, but I am scared of… that whole thing, with the bruises, like… they're going to know intimate stuff about us, and…"

"Oh." Buck glanced at him again. "Eddie, you could write your name in bites on my back and I wouldn't care what they thought. You know that, right?"

"But I care. I don't want them to think that I like hurting you." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Oh, Eds." Buck grasped Eddie's hand, pressing his lips to his fingers. "It's okay."

"I'm embarrassed."

Buck shifted so he was lying on his back. He wrapped one arm around Eddie's shoulders and pulled him in close, and kept his other arm locked around Christopher, who was using Buck's bicep as a pillow, sleeping soundly. Eddie gazed at him in the dim light of the room and whispered, "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I was just upset." Buck's voice was low. "I don't want to be in the closet forever."

"You won't be," Eddie promised.

"But you can't give me a timeframe."

"No, but… I was thinking we'd tell Carla. My aunt already knows, and Abuela… if I tell her, she might be so happy that she tells literally everyone."

"Pepa knows?"

Eddie nodded. "Yep. She has for awhile."

"Oh." Buck raised his eyebrows. "That explains a lot."

"Yeah." Eddie leaned in and pressed his lips to the corner of Buck's mouth. "I really am sorry. I really do love you."

Buck was silent, and when Eddie lifted his head to study his face, he found that he was trying not to cry, swallowing hard, tears shining in his eyes.

"Baby," Eddie whispered, nuzzling his nose against Buck's cheek. "I promise you that we'll come out. I promise. I just don't know when."

"It's not that."

"Then—"

Buck blinked rapidly. "I yelled at you on the phone and you were so worried that you left the party and drove over here to make sure I was okay. That we're okay," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "You didn't get angry at me."

Eddie shook his head. "No. You scared the shit out of me."

"This is real, isn't it?" Buck asked quietly. "We're really doing this."

"Yes, we are."

"There's never going to be anyone else. You're it for me. We're endgame."

Eddie nodded vehemently. "Yes."

"Wow." Buck let out a laugh. "They're going to be blown away, you know."

**~*~*~**

_**Carla** _

When Eddie said that he needed to talk to her about something serious, Carla thought it could have something to do with his parents making waves again, or maybe changing one of Christopher's therapies.

She wasn't expecting him to sit her down with a cup of coffee at his kitchen table, while Buck and Christopher built a Lego tower together in the living room, and explain, very seriously, that he and Buck were a couple and it was serious, and he had every intention of marrying him.

Amused, she'd let him say what he needed to say, because he'd clearly rehearsed it – but when he finally met her eyes, looking so damn uncertain, she'd given him the huge, reassuring smile that she was sure he needed, and said gently, "I'm happy for you two, Eddie."

He'd visibly relaxed and smiled back, looking as though a weight was off his shoulders.

And there was absolutely no goddamn way she was ever going to tell him that she'd known they were in love long before he had; that she'd seen the way they looked at each other and it certainly wasn't the way two heterosexual men behaved. She hadn't said anything to him about it because it was _Eddie_ , and he was a lovely man and a wonderful father, but she was never quite sure how comfortable he was expressing his emotions.

But things had changed over the last few months, and she couldn't believe he hadn't realised she'd picked up on it. The photos on the fridge, for example, all had Buck in them. There was a new framed photo hanging on the wall of Buck, Eddie and Christopher at a park. Buck's clothes were in Eddie's room; his shoes were lined up near the front door. He was listed as an emergency contact at Christopher's school and with his doctors. He was always _there_ , either coming or going, and he was often the one who joined her at the park with Christopher while Eddie was busy with other things.

Plus, she'd totally caught them making out in Buck's car on the street one day.

So yeah, she knew. She'd known forever, and if they didn't want her to say anything, she wouldn't.

**~*~*~**

**Author's Note:**

> [Surfer Girl - The Beach Boys](https://youtu.be/lHNcMs8W660)


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